Confessions

Hey!

Our date went great the other Sunday. I thought it did. I hope you did too.

You brought that smile that kills me inside every time. Your laughs and giggles are as cute as ever even though it's mocking me sometimes. And your eyes. I was lost in your gaze more often that I can count. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried to suppress, it took a single glance to fall for you again... But alas, I failed to resist your charms. However! I did kept my guard up so you won't suspect my weakening knees. I think I did good in that end. Pretending that nothing happened between us. Or did I?

You know, I really felt bad when you told me not to come to the annual summer outing. Because I recalled that it was the main catalyst for our second breakup. After hearing (reading) that, I just felt like utter shit. I mean really, it just came around like it's irony or something. In the end, I thought to myself to be "that fallout" guy, telling lies to my close friends that I can't go so you can be comfortably happy. I guess I'll miss all those summer outings from that point on. Damn, I was really looking forward to those every year...

So because of that, I was actually trying to move on from you and I was more than 2 months in.And that single date night broke my streak. Ah, I really thought I want to embrace and steal a kiss with you that night but my better side stopped. You looked so happy... really happy, and I didn't want to possibly ruin anything. I didn't want to cause you anymore pain. Yes, I'll regret this and feel like crap for the rest of my life but you won't know it. What you don't know can't hurt you, right?

I intended to leave our last meeting like that... You smiling. Me smiling back. It's a relatively happy ending right? I certainly hope so.

My train ride stops here. For all the years that you've loved and supported me, "Thank you" For all the hurt I've did to you and the awful things I have to tell, "I'm sorry..."